I started this new website and blog last year, literally weeks before I had my third (final? tears) baby. It was, as with all things with me, emotional. The old website kept crashing, emails didn't make it through, I had to change. But I had a lifetime of my children on the other site. And I didn't have the technical knowledge (as always) to save it. I tried downloading several programs and I kept getting errors, and it was super confusing, and I was days away from having a baby. So, I did what any non-technical literate person would do. I screenshot the entire thing, love letters to my daughter, pictures of my new son (now 4 years-old,) and cried with frustration at my inability to properly capture and time. Sometimes I feel this immense responsibility of memory keeping, but then technology keeps changing, and I'm so slow to keep up. My first daughter's life is on a defunct Blogspot, and a defunct website. My son is on Instagram. Nora, I'm trying to be better, but third kid. She's a lost cause already, right?
All this to say, is somehow I started curating myself and cutting all the personal stuff out. It became overwhelming to keep up, and I was in the trenches with motherhood as it were, and it was easier to just pop up some pretty work, and call it good. But then I lost a little bit of me, the stories in my heart that were just as loud as ever, but not heard. This website is new, although I've been around a long time, and I now have another chance to figure it out, and make mistakes as I go, hopefully new ones.
This space is now going to be getting a little more personal, and mixing motherhood and life and my worries into this space, because it's mine and I want it to feel that way. I'm going to stop worrying if I'm mixing the right amount of personal with the right amount of business savvy. Let's be honest, I never had much business savvy to begin with. Instead, I had a whole lotta heart. I want to show that more.
And tying it back to that time, which these pictures all brought up, this was the last shoot I did before I had my baby last year (again, tears.) I was so pregnant and I was so sick. I had bronchitis and it was rough. Allison and I had this beautiful idea, percolating for years, and when we got our hands on a Leanne Marshall dress we ran/danced with it. Sometimes I feel like pictures like these aren't real. It's not real life to dress up in a flowing gown and dance with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm selling false goods. But also, sometimes I think it's okay to dream a little bit--to immerse yourself in a little extra beauty. To buoy up your heart when it's cold and windy outside, when the world seems hard and extra grey.
So, here's to dreaming with one of my dear friends, to putting her talented Sophie in a beautiful gown. To having a few hours of creativity and inspiration, to re-committing to yourself as a woman, artist, mother, creator, dreamer.
This shoot is also in the beautiful pages of Belle Lumère. If you ever need a pick-me-up, seeing your work in print sure is a good antidote.